I don’t want to lose you, but I continue to drive you to the point which makes you feel like going crazy or to the point of leaving, maybe not forever, but for that specific moment.  I don’t want you to leave.  I want to know that you are there always and maybe that is what has driven me to the point of seeming crazy and being upset.  Leaving makes me so sad, even if it’s just for a short time period.  What if something happens and you never get to see or hear from this person again.  Maybe deep down I am scared that your gunna leave at some point forever.  I just don’t want that happening and I don’t want to be the reason for driving you that far so that you do leave forever.  I’d lose a lot if you left.

It seems to happen in life that a lot of people just come and go and some really important people have just left.  I always said “why do the people i always love leave”.  I don’t know why I am so afraid of people leaving or losing things in life.  I don’t want to lose people, but I’m terrible at keeping them with me.  

I just heard that Brian Bell said that me and him dated hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  funniest thing I have heard in a loooong time!

I always used to want to be free and be able to chill with friends and when me and my boyfriend could make time that is when we would see each other.  i didn’t think seeing each other was that big of a thing and i just wanted us to both do our own thing.  i thought if each of us are free at the same time that’s when we would talk and i honestly didn’t want to have to talk all the time, i wanted to have my own life and josh didn’t like that.  he used to get really worked up and upset if i didn’t have time for him and he hated that i was so busy all the time and thought i was always with friends, now he’s nothing like that.  he tries to encourage me to go chill with friends and take time off from homework to breathe a bit even though I have no time to do that and now i’m not how i used to be either at all.  i always want to talk to him, but i feel he’s always busy whenever i call him unless it’s really late at night and he’s at home not doing much.  i now know how he had felt when i was busy and didn’t have time to talk, not that i have much time now either, but whenever i actually have time to talk to him and am not doing schoolwork he is always busy.  i used to encourage him to hangout with friends and he didn’t really do that he just stuck to hanging out with me and now when he’s finally going and chilling with friend i’m sad because he’s busy so he can’t talk.  gosh how we switched placed it’s a bit crazy.  i need to stop wanting to talk to him and go back to thinking and feeling that we don’t need to talk to be ok.  i see how he felt when he was saying that he thought we had to talk quite a bit to stay in a relationship and that wasn’t happening in the beginning of this semester so he didn’t seem to think our relationship was going to work without us having times to talk and now i see how he feels even though i shouldn’t feel this way since i encouraged this behavior of doing whatever

I’m so impatient whenever it comes to me seeing my boyfriend frustrated.  i just wanna know whats wrong with him right then and there.  I suck at waiting.  I suck at hearing “it’s not the right time”  to tell me.